This blog is a recap of the key lessons I have learned over the last few months. I felt God wants me to reflect on these and share them. So here we go…
- God has his own plans, and timing.
I have learned that I can lay the best plans out and it won’t matter a bit if God has other plans, and it’s better to go with his plan than fight him on it. I had plans to finish nursing school, help my daughter get in to college or university, and pay off school loans etc. Well the only thing I accomplished was finishing nursing school, and that I believe, was allowed by God just to teach me I could do it, and for me to find out I have ADHD/ADD but have a fairly high intelligence which boosted my confidence. (Because up until then I just thought I wasn’t very smart, not that I had ADHD/ADD getting in the way of my learning).
- God allows challenges and troubles in my life to get my attention or to make me stronger for a later purpose.
I firmly believe that through the last few months God has been gradually adding on issues for me to deal with in order to bring me to a place where I would listen to him and stop charging ahead or taking control. In the last few months I came to a place where I was so stressed my body was revolting against me. I had to quit my job or keep sick, I had to start exercising and eating better, go back to counselling, and allow God through my family and my hubby to provide for me. I also, had to try and deal with my ex-spouse and child issues. Yep he got my attention, and yep it’s making me stronger, for what? I have no idea yet.
- Running ahead of God ends in misery…Period!
After reflecting on the last few years I came to the conclusion that what I am going through and have gone through is the results of decisions in my life. Sometimes only like a ripple effect that has come back to me. For example I chose to become a nurse. From day one I struggled with stress and anxiety (I know this because I recently read my doctors notes from that year until now and can see the progression of illness). I ran ahead when going to school and now have debt that is crippling, I ran ahead on where to work, and ended up getting very sick, and the list goes on.
- What I go through may not seem fair, but God is still in charge and WILL make things work out.
I am seeing this play out, but I firmly believe that he will make it all turn out for my good because I love him and want to do what he wants me to, and the Bible says he turns everything out for good for those that love him.
- Like history, if I don’t learn from the past I am doomed to repeat it.
I am learning that if I don’t learn the lesson and actually put it to practice; the Lord will allow me to go through it again, but worse. It’s been my experience that if he is trying to get my attention or teach me something and I don’t really learn it or take it to heart and do it. He WILL send me around the mountain again. (She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes! Lol).
- Getting mad at God is THE worst thing I can do.
If I get mad at him then I am separating myself from who can help me the most. I can ask for guidance and understanding, but get mad at him not a chance. He rebuked Job for that and I am waaaaay less good and faithful as Job. Better not push my luck I think.
- Reading the Bible daily and praying often is the best way to combat the stupid thoughts that satan will use to promote us sinning or giving up on our faith in God . (Listening to Christian pastors on the radio is also a great way refocus).
I have found that the best way for me to combat anxiety and depression is to read the bible and pray. If that means 60 times in a day, so be it. I find when I do that my thinking becomes clearer and I feel more stable and calm. I believe that is because it fills me up with the word which is Gods, and that doesn’t allow for dumb thinking as much. I also find that many times I come away with a light bulb moment that puts it all into perspective.
- Having Godly council is very important.
The bible say to seek Godly council and the elders of the church. I found this very helpful during this time. Firstly it allows me to speak out what is troubling me. Secondly, it gives me a different view and interpretation of what is happening. Thirdly, I get sound biblical advice that I can verify in the bible which gives me comfort and clarity.
- God provides.
As I have said before I am not working right now. I’ve been sending resumes out and checking job sites almost daily, but still not working. We have bills and at the beginning of the month I was very anxious as I just couldn’t see how we could possibly make bills let alone deal with all the extra expenses that came up. That’s when my hubby got offered extra work on the weekend and my family bought us groceries (I didn’t ask so it was a surprise). Long story short, we have made the bills.
- God blesses cheerful giving.
My husband and I tithe 10%. We believe that God is clear about this in the Bible and since everything is his, why wouldn’t we give him back what is his? But recently I was challenged that I wasn’t giving anything above that, and in the Bible it says to “test me” in this area and he will pour out blessings. Well I decided, that we really never “tested” him in this and it’s the only place in the Bible I can find that the Lord actually says “test me”. Everywhere else it says not to. So I gave some extra to a charity. It wasn’t much, but when any amount could mean not paying bills it was huge. I believe that ‘blessings” can mean money or things like family helping with groceries or a side job or your truck still running when it really shouldn’t. Well, here we are at the end of the month and all bills paid. Enough said I think.
- The Biggest thing I am learning is that I don’t need to worry about or know his plans’ I just need to follow along, look to him before making any move, and wait.
“Lean not on your own understanding”. I keep saying this to myself as a reminder I am not in control and don’t want to be because I mess things up. I find this the hardest thing to learn. I want to control things because it decreases my anxiety if I know I have done it and don’t need to rely on others (this stems from others letting me down so often in the past). During this time however, God has been very much forcing me to rely on others. I have to rely on my hubby to pay bills, on my lawyer to deal with child stuff, my NP to help me with my health, my family to be supportive, but mostly on God to provide, comfort, direct me, and give me peace. The last one is really hard because I don’t hear an audible voice telling me “everything will be ok “, “this is what you need to do”, and “stop worrying”. It’s all in scripture though.
So I keep applying to jobs while praying that God guide me, I keep tithing, reading the bible, and doing my art for my Redbubble site. I am learning as he meets needs that I don’t need to see the end goal , I just need to keep doing what he prompts me to do (after praying and reading the word to make sure it is him), because he is in charge and he is directing my path, and everything will turn out for my good. It is very hard to not try to take control and wait though, and it is even harder to walk in faith, but I am going to keep trying. I am sure there are many more lessons to learn before I come to the end of this, but there will always be more as he refines me, and I will share them with you.