So, I have had a rather bad week last week. It was to be a good week as my daughter was graduating from high school. I was to go to her graduation. So I expected to be happy, but…that isn’t what happened. Instead, I dealt with an issue regarding my daughter that to say the least, is causing me great anxiety, and anger.
I have had a lot of bad things that have happened in my life. The result of which was a lot of anger, and anxiety throughout my life.
When my daughter moved away to her fathers, I had to start counselling with my Pastor to address the anger, anxiety, and other emotions that rose to the surface. I had to forgive all the people who hurt me, and ask God to forgive them so that I can be forgiven.
The Bible says: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4: 31-32
I learned during my counselling that my anger in itself is not wrong. The emotion of anger is not the issue. The way in which it is expressed is the issue. Jesus turned over the tables in the temple out of righteous anger. The bible also says that we are to hate evil (Romans 12:9, Psalm 97:10, Proverbs 13:5, Proverbs 8:13).
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” Ephesians 4: 25-27
But that isn’t the anger I have/had and I didn’t handle my anger correctly. After counselling I learned that the primary help to handling my anger is by forgiving those who have sinned against me.
“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” Matthew 5:22.
“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and who
This particular situation has made me very angry, and I have been experiencing a great amount of difficulty in handling it. I could think of a variety of names other than “fool” but I managed to not say any of them. I have noticed that this time I am angrier than I have been in a long time. I actually was so angry I actually expressed that I thought I hated the person. I have never been so angry before, that I actually thought I really hated a person. I was taught growing up that you should never hate someone. I was taught that it’s ok to dislike someone just not hate them.
The bible says: “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” 1 John 3:15.
So, I had to pray for forgiveness, for feeling this, and for my anger, because, if hatred means murder then I don’t want to have hatred for anyone. Instead I am to allow the Lord to handle all vengeance. I am to instead, feed and take care of my enemies.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of god, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the lord.” Romans 12:21
“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Romans 12: 19-21
I must say that it’s exceptionally difficult to wait on the Lord for vengeance when you have been hurt or when you are really angry; it’s even harder to think of ever feeding them or showing them kindness at all. I have been praying that the Lord will help me to overcome the feelings of anger, and help me actually walk in forgiveness.
I believe that the Lord will make all things turn out for my good, he is in control of everything, and he never gives us more than we can handle because the bible states these things. Does it make it easy to forgive or even go through things? Well…not entirely. It does help during these trying times with keeping hopeful that I will be able to forgive, and that I will be able to let it go at some point. Actual forgiveness comes later though. So for now I am trying to make the choice repeatedly to forgive and pray that the Lord will heal me mentally, spiritually, and physically. I believe one day that he will heal me in every aspect.