I have been listening to Christian women stating things like ” You should not nag your husband” and “We are to love our husbands even when they act badly ” and the most irritating for me” We are be quiet and meek, and try to make them happy”. Aaaaarrrghhhhh!
Who told Christian women and men that this is what Christian women should be like?!!!! Where in the bible does it say men are to be put on a pedestal and women are to just be their lowly servants. It says in the bible that we are to be (man and woman):
“Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind–yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:21-30)
Tell me, where in that does it say men can ignore their wives, talk down to their wives, hurt their wives, or not care for her physical or mental well being? Jesus never treated his disciples that way, he never treated anyone that way. The church (everyone who came to him) were his bride and he treated them with a heart of servitude. He actually washed their feet! He made sure they ate and that they spiritually ate as well. He cared about the emotional, physical and spiritual well being of his bride. That’s why he went to the cross! He didn’t say to them I am doing this and I don’t care what your feeling or wanting.
When the disciples were in the boat and were having trouble with the storm, did he say ” oh stop whining ya babies” or when he was asleep and they woke him did he say ” oh stop your nagging I will get up when I want” NO he didn’t.
Christian women are to submit to their husbands in relation to his Godly decision making, and leading of the home. But, we are co-rulers in Christ and God made women the “helpmate” not “slave” to men. Men are to be the leaders because God placed in their hearts different desire and views that are more suited to leading. Especially when difficult sacrifices are to be made. Ask any man who really cares for their family and they will tell you they feel a strong will to lay their lives down for others. They are not women’s rulers, and to take that as Gods word is a perversion of it and is not Gods heart. I firmly believe that if women were to be slaves to men then the Lord would have said I will make a “slave” for him. I also hate hearing women say “don’t nag your husband”. Well, I believe that some men need a little irritation to do whats right. Kinda like becoming repeatedly irritated with the car that keeps stalling so then they get it fixed (just an example). I don’t actively “Nag” my husband. I usually ask him about doing something or not doing something and he either says yes or no, and I usually explain why I am asking and then he agrees to do or not do whatever it is. Usually he gives me a time frame when he will do it. So, I wait. Then if it doesn’t happen I remind him…once. Then if its still doesn’t happen, I remind him that he gave me his word it would be done,how long ago it was I asked, and that its still not done. I don’t attack his character or say anything else other than remind him what he said and agreed to.
I used to ride him about things. Repeatedly asking, and doing so in a decidedly un-Christian way. I got no where but closer to divorce. Then we watched Love & Respect by Dr.Emerson Eggerichs (its a book too). He realised he wasn’t acting like an honourable man by not doing it and I realised I was acting like a respectful wife by calling him names. I recently saw a show called “Focus on the Family”. Its a Christian show and they had a Pastor as a guest who talked about this exact thing. He said that if a wife asks, and a husband agrees to do something then he needs to do by the date he said it would be done. He said a wife can remind him once, but if he still doesn’t do it after that ,when he said he would, then he has no one to blame but himself if his wife “nags” him till its done. My point is this, men have to be accountable to their wives, as much as, a women is to their husband, and it simply isn’t ok to treat your wife unloving or unkind. Its simply isn’t biblical, and women should not think that’s ok or just the way it is.Ask the Lord to direct you, and ask him to convict you both on your treatment of each other. We should hold our spouses to higher standards. God does, and he placed us together to sharpen each other and better each other. That doesn’t happen without challenge.
I have talked at length with my pastor, read numerous books, articles, and watched numerous TV shows regarding this topic because I wanted to know what I was to be doing in relation to my husband. The big passage that some ill informed people site is 1 Timothy 2:11-15 because it says that “women are to learn quietly in all submissiveness…I do not permit women to teach or exercise authority over a man;rather, she remain quiet”. This is directly related to women having spiritual authority over men. Not anything else. Whats that mean?, well to be perfectly blunt, a woman should not be head of a church or in position in church that is in spiritual authority over men. In Timothy Paul says why this is, and that is that Adam was made first and Eve was first deceived. Yep if you want to be head of a church and you are a woman , sucks to be you, but just like pain in childbirth, Eve’s sin is why we have this on going status in the church, its just how it is whether we like it or not. But, I need to add that this is a hard one to accept as a woman. I do believe though that woman can be pastors if called by God, just not head of the church. Do I fully understand how this one works? no, but I don’t have to, I just have to abide by what God requires me to do, and be obedient to him.
But, I’ve accepted this as I have seen what it looks like to have too many women running anything. Sorry ladies but we are emotional, spiteful, and insecure at times and this causes a lot of issues, and when we are not that way, we can be way too empathetic and can make decisions that really are not for the best. I am not saying women are inferior to men, just made different by God to do different things. Just like most men are not good at doing roles that are warm and fuzzy and require a lot of empathy and listening. Not all but most don’t excel in this. Of course there are always exceptions to these things on both sides.
But , I do not believe that in the home/marriage/relationship a woman should be treated as inferior or less important. After all we are also made in Gods image and he made us as a compliment to men. Both in balance, is the proper structure. I compliment my hubby because he does things and I read how he needs to do it. He stands up and wraps his protecting arms around me when I am hurting, and I cheer him on and show love and respect for who he is and what he is doing, we both support the other with the strengths God has given.
I also take huge exception that Christians (men and women ) are to be doormats in general. Yep we are to turn the other cheek. That means forgive (as I described in my posts The “F” Word Part 1 and 2), but it doesn’t men forget and it doesn’t mean you are to not say what you believe or stand up for yourself and your beliefs. In fact, if we look at Jesus, he said what he thought, stood up for what he believed and apologised to no one for it. He even turned over the tables and drove out the buyer, sellers, and lenders in the temple (Matthew 21:12) in a righteous fuelled anger. Side note: anger is a God given emotion and is ok, its how we express it that’s the issue, and righteous anger is ok. Jesus had righteous anger).The bible also says we are to be apart from the world, in other words stand out as different, well that requires not being a doormat. It takes courage to stand up and be different. The disciples were not doormats. Look at Paul, I would say no one then, or now, can honestly call him a doormat. We are to be warriors for God. When did a warrior act like a doormat?.
Doormats allow others to push them around and walk over them and their beliefs. The bible doesn’t show us that we should be like that. It shows the opposite. It shows men and women standing tall and proclaiming they follow our Lord and Saviour. If you still are not convinced let me point out a historical fact. Roman emperor Nero actually used Christians set on fire, on pikes, to light his dinner parties. Those Christians were not doormats, they knew what could happen if the Romans found them proclaiming the Gospel. Yet they still did it. Not just one or two either. They were so brave and believed in standing up for themselves that they literally watched other Christians be tortured and killed, and still kept preaching the Gospel. That is not a meek, quiet doormat, and neither should we be.